Easing Transitions

5 Tips To Ease The Day To Day Transitions With Your Child

By Robin Goldstein-Lincoln, MA, LPC

Transitions for parents and their children can be challenging times.  Whether moving from one activity to the next, going to or from school, or ending the day, both parents and children usually experience some bumps in the road.

What makes transitions so complex?  Regardless of the specific situation, all transitions involve separating, either from a person or a thing, or both.  For all of us, separation can elicit a wide range of feelings, memories and needs.

Here are some tips to ease the ride:

1.     Create a simple and fun routine or activity with your child to use just before a transition occurs.

For example:

* Use a special hand shake or count to 5 in another language and walk like your child’s favorite animal.

* Read from a book or sing a song, and exchange a hug or kiss.                                    

* For returning home from school:  Have a snack, share your “roses” (highs) and “thorns” (lows), and do something together (e.g., swing, play a game, draw, read).

* If the routine or activity does not work as planned, talk to your child and brainstorm ways to improve it. Practice the changes in advance.

2.     Give you child advance notice several minutes before a transition is about to occur.

For example

* Offer a choice:  “Would you like to go now or in 5 minutes?”

* Set a timer and let the timer be the “bad guy.”

* Post a sticky note on the second hand of a visible clock and ask your child to check on the time for you (with some parent guidance).

3.     Meet needs for food, water, rest and safety before a transition.

For example:

* Have high energy snacks available for you and your child.

* Bring a “transport aid” such as a carrier, stroller or car so you have a place for your child to rest.

* Carry a soothing object like a stuffed animal, blanket or toy.

   4.      Model a clear and positive attitude with your body language and verbal communication.  Children sense ambivalence, like  dogs smell fear.

For example:

* Relax your body posture, lower your voice, and breathe.       

* Acknowledge your child’s positive steps to a successful transition.

* Move your body in the direction you both need to go.

* Allow enough time to give your child advance notice of the transition and complete the transition routine or activity.

5.      If your child protests the transition, take a few moments to connect by repeating back his message with matching verbal and nonverbal communication.  Repeat again until child feels heard, then continue with the above steps or grant a wish in fantasy or in the future.

For example:

                   Child protests:                “I am not going to school!” (stamping foot)

                   Parent acknowledges:     “You do not want to go to school!” (stamp foot)

                   Parent grants a wish:      While heading to school, talk about the places she would like to go instead.

                   Child protests:                “I am not going to sleep!”

                   Parent acknowledges:     “You do not want to go to sleep!”

                   Parent grants a wish:  Make a date to snuggle or play during the day, or discuss what to eat  in the morning.  Make the ideas concrete by writing them down.

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Robin Goldstein-Lincoln, MA, LPC is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice  in Boulder,Colorado.  She brings a compassionate and mindful approach to her work with individuals, couples and parents.  Contact Robin at (303) 818-7086 or go to www.robinglincoln.com to learn more about the services she provides.